If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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