i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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