Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
