1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
