goodnight i made you a song goodbye
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
