I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
