sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
