i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
