thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
