I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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