I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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