So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
A+ Viking dick
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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