dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
