I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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