Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
