you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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