Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
