he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I need to sanitize my soul.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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