Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
