So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
