i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
