Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
