so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
