do herpes really smell.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
