The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
