I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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