at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
