I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
