I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
