he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i think my cat just said my name.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
