So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
pray to the hookup gods
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
