Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
