Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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