at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
