i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
