Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
