He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
