Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
