Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
