Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
