it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Bring me that man meat
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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