I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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