please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Who died my cat blue again?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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