If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
