I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
