In the future we'll all be gay
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
