I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
