Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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