You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
