someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
