glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
