im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you win again, gameday.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
